You’re no stranger to change, but when life throws a curveball—be it a minor adjustment or a major upheaval—it can bring a whirlwind of emotions. You might feel excitement, fear, grief, hope or even all of these at once.
“When you’re going through a transition, there’s a middle period before you establish a new set of roles, routines and relationships, in which you’re letting go of the past,” says professor emerita of counseling psychology Nancy K. Schlossberg, EdD, author of Overwhelmed: Coping with Life’s Ups and Downs.
“Picture a trapeze artist having to swing out, let go and free-fall before they grab onto the next thing,” adds Mary Anderson, PhD, co-author of Counseling Adults in Transition. “It’s the groundlessness of being in the in-between that’s really the scariest, but the key is to trust the process, go inward and find your courage, tap the strengths and values that helped you navigate changes in the past and know you will get to the other side.”
Still, it’s hard to feel grounded in uncertain times, so FIRST consulted top experts to bring you actionable tips for managing the uncomfortable emotions that accompany life’s transitions.
Feeling anxious? Flip the playbook
Say you’ve been promoted to a leadership role, but instead of celebrating, you’re feeling on edge. What if I can’t handle this? What if I fail?
“Even a happy transition — something you really want — can evoke fear,” observes Schlossberg. “It’s scary to be doing something new, and you might be thinking, Am I really going to be able to handle this?”
To boost your confidence, reframe your mindset. “Try to reframe it as an opportunity rather than a threatening challenge,” Schlossberg suggests. Instead of focusing on proving yourself, shift your focus to learning and building relationships. This empowering perspective makes the change feel less daunting—and a lot more exciting.
Feeling angry? Try this instead
Life throws a challenge your way—a health issue or unexpected lifestyle change—and you’re furious. Why me? This isn’t fair!
“Things seem unfair, and you wish they were different,” observes psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do. “Anger can be healthy, but it’s important to acknowledge and do something with it; otherwise, it creates more problems.”
To diffuse the fire, ask yourself: Is my anger helping or hurting me? “If your anger turns inward, like if you’re angry at yourself for not taking care of your health, it can keep you stuck,” explains Morin.
If it’s holding you back, shift gears. Instead of venting frustrations, take a calming approach. Studies from Ohio State University show that relaxation techniques like deep breathing, yoga or meditation are more effective at reducing anger than activities like punching a bag. These strategies reduce the physiological arousal that can escalate anger. Once you’ve calmed down, you’ll be better equipped to plan your next steps with a clearer, calmer mindset.
Feeling stressed? Anchor yourself in control
Imagine you’re adjusting to a new job department with unfamiliar coworkers and expectations, and the chaos is overwhelming.
“We all like to have some sort of structure, some routine where things are predictable and we know what’s coming next,” says Morin. “When that gets disrupted, it can send us into turmoil — and then the more stressed we feel, the more difficulties we think about, and it’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.” Think about what you can control. “Maybe you can’t control your boss or your tasks, but you can control your attitude, the effort you put in or even what you eat for lunch,” says Morin. “Studies show that when you feel like you have some control in life, you can handle a lot more discomfort. Anchoring yourself in what’s controllable makes life seem instantly less chaotic.”
Break the cycle by focusing on what you can control. “You can’t dictate your boss’s behavior, but you can control your attitude, the effort you put in, or even something simple like your lunch choice,” says Morin. Studies show that feeling in control—even in small ways—reduces stress and makes life feel more manageable.
Feeling grief? Create tangible memories
Say your closest friend moves to the other side of the country. Evidently, it’s hard not to feel the ache of separation.
“Sadness often helps you honor what’s been lost,” observes Morin. “As a society we’re super uncomfortable with being sad, but it can be part of the healing process — you come out stronger and appreciate life even more when you are happy again.” How to navigate the difficult period of mourning? “Look for creative ways to remember the good times you had,” says Morin.
One way to cope: Find creative ways to celebrate those cherished memories. Write a letter to your friend about your favorite adventures together and save it for a special moment shared between you. “Missing something can be a great thing — it means, I really enjoyed that time in my life,” says Morin. “You’re not dismissing your sadness or pressuring yourself to act happy — you’re honoring the experience in a way that helps you move forward.”
This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan.
