Childhood trauma tends to last a lifetime. The reason for this is because every traumatic event affects how the newly formed brain develops. When you are born, you are a clean slate and the brain is hungry to learn from everything around you – sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch. Over time, repetitive experiences reinforce the development of certain neural pathways, making them stronger and more automatic.
Let me give you an example; If you cry and your caregiver/parent neglects you over and over, your brain learns that crying does not bring relief. The neural pathways responsible for this awareness will grow stronger relating to this idea. As an adult, you might find it hard to express emotions, or become socially isolated due to this lesson. I am simplifying the process to make it easier to understand. Babies that feel abandoned can grow up to be adults that are extra sensitive to any signs of abandonment. Whereas a baby/toddler who feels safe that their parents are there for them will be more likely to grow up with a healthy attachment style.
Here is an example of an event and the two different responses that could occur:
Event: The person they are trying to get hold of repeatedly seems to ignore them.
Insecure and secure attachment responses
Insecure attachment response: Start to worry and think that they have done something wrong. They will be more sensitive to any sign of abandonment or avoidance by others – even when that is not what is actually happening. An insecure attachment creates a ‘filter’ through which a person sees the world. This creates an anxious person who doesn’t feel safe.
Healthy attachment response: The person I am trying to get hold of must be extra busy and I am sure they will contact me when they get time.
Negative experiences in childhood change how the brain develops
The fact that traumatic childhoods create long-term mental health and physical health issues has led experts to wonder about whether childhood trauma creates personality disorders. The inevitable nature versus nurture debate is something that many experts have debated and it’s clear that there is an interaction between the two leading to various outcomes. This is why not all children who experience trauma go on to experience difficult adult lives, nor does every traumatised child become a murderer or rapist.
Common personality disorders that I have worked with when there has been childhood trauma:
- Borderline personality disorder (Now called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder)
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Schizotypal personality disorder
- Antisocial personality disorder
Many adults with mental health issues will have experienced childhood trauma. The tangled neural pathways lead to distorted views of the world as the child tries in their immature way to protect themselves for the daily threats they experience. For some children, it’s a form of torture being with parents who show them no respect, do not acknowledge their feelings and reject them when they do not measure up to their parent’s expectations. Of course there are severe forms of abuse, including emotional and physical, and these have long standing effects as they brain wires together and the younger the person is when this happens, the longer it takes to treat in therapy.
Traumatic childhoods can lead to deviant behaviour
As a way to cope, children might find a way to come to terms with the abuse, neglect and rejection. They do this by finding a way to welcome to abuse and see it as normal and part of growing up. I have conducted research online and found that people who are inclined to accept animal abuse, tend to have had strict authoritarian parents and the brain has somehow become tangled, to accept deviant behaviour. There is not much research on this topic but the dysfunctional neural pathways create a lot of unhappiness for the people who possess them.
Mental health is something that we need to focus on in childhood, as a vital component of stable and rational societies. If the wiring in the brain is wiring dysfunctional, it can create a lifelong struggle.
Children do not have the same coping mechanisms as adults and are not emotionally mature enough to rationalise what is happening to them. They can’t escape what is happening either.
Parents must do everything they can to protect their children’s mental health
Children have rights even though they are small and need adult guidance
They should feel unconditionally loved and be allowed to live a life free from emotional abuse and physical abuse.
Consistency and boundaries are key but with some choices to help them learn to make decisions and to feel they matter.
When children feel safe, they tend to feel happier to explore and enjoy more confidence.
Childhood trauma can ease over time and therapy is often required to help a person work through that they experienced as a child. With their adult mind, their perceptions will be better equipped to understand what happened and put it in perspective.
Negative filters that can occur for adults who have experienced difficult childhoods
Childhood trauma can cause adult issues such as fear of abandonment, perfectionism, mistrust of others, self-sacrifice (people pleasing), hyper-vigilance (ADHD), emotional deprivation (can lead to substance abuse and self-sabotaging behaviour), emotional inhibition, lack of self-discipline, enmeshment (unable to live independently), subjugation, feeling a failure or defective. These issues affect adult relationships and an adult’s chances of success at work and in life in general.
Childhood trauma can also lead to eating disorders, FND – functional neurological disorder and chronic self-esteem issues. If a child is regularly told they are stupid or won’t amount to much, these early messages become integrated into a child’s identity and it can take years of therapy to undo the damage.
So, If you are a parent – you have a big responsibility on your hands and, if you are an adult who feels ‘tangled’, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Self-awareness is key as when you are aware of your vulnerabilities you can work to overcome them.
Time does heal and a new perspective can be helpful as well as understand negative core beliefs that are incorrect and that you can work at changing. There is hope and therapy can definitely make a difference.
