Healing from a parent with narcissistic traits is possible. It can take time to reset the way you view yourself and the world, but you can overcome this type of childhood trauma.
Whether a person has a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or only a few narcissistic characteristics, those traits can influence important relationships in their life. It can also affect the way they parent their children.
People with NPD often seem to lack empathy, need admiration, and exhibit grandiose behaviors. Their need for validation is so great that they may be driven to overlook the needs of others, including those of their children.
To receive a diagnosis of NPD, a person needs to meet specific criteria when assessed by a mental health professional.
But a parent can still have narcissistic traits even if they don’t meet the criteria for NPD. These traits can lead to relationship dysfunction, and mental health issues for the child of the narcissist.
If you’re healing from a parent who lives with NPD or has narcissistic traits, there are a few strategies that may help.
If you’re experiencing the stress of holding on to anger, this may have adverse physical consequences. It can impact aspects of your health, such as:
- sleep quality
- heart health
- cholesterol
- blood pressure
But, forgiveness reduces the chance of these adverse effects.
Forgiving a person for their behavior is not the same thing as defending that behavior. You can forgive your parent while understanding that the way they’ve treated you is wrong.
If you’re the child of a parent diagnosed with NPD or who displays narcissistic traits, you may be part of a legacy of intergenerational trauma. This means that the narcissistic traits your parent exhibits may be from adverse events in their own childhood.
Research has found that NPD symptoms are sometimes linked to childhood neglect or types of abuse, such as:
Household dysfunction may also be a contributing factor. Or your parent may have been raised by someone living with narcissistic traits or NPD themselves.
Recognizing and dismantling this cycle of intergenerational trauma is an integral part of healing.
Grief is a natural response to loss. Loss that’s not as societally recognized is commonly referred to as disenfranchised grief.
You can also
For example, as a child, you may not have had:
- the nurturing parenting that you deserved
- the carefree and innocent childhood experienced by your peers
- a stable environment that enabled you to feel secure
- the unconditional acceptance to foster healthy self-esteem
- the freedom to develop your own identity
Acknowledging and processing important losses like these can help you move forward with your healing journey.
Setting boundaries is a way to protect yourself. Internal boundaries reduce your parent’s influence on the way you think about yourself.
This type of boundary involves seeing their unkind behaviors as narcissism symptoms, rather than reflections of your worth. This protects you from internalizing the harm from their behaviors.
External boundaries involve tapering back on the way you’ve learned to over-accommodate your parent. It includes saying no and expressing your own preferences and opinions.
It’s important to note that it may be easier to set external boundaries when you’re an adult and no longer living with the parent in question.
NPD is a formal mental health diagnosis that can affect the way a person relates to other people.
Even without an NPD diagnosis, a parent can have some narcissistic traits that adversely influence their children.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent can increase a person’s chance of experiencing issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Healing from a narcissistic parent is possible. Learning about narcissism and its characteristics and effects is a helpful place to start. Finding a trained therapist can also be of tremendous benefit.
