In the world of dating, you may have come across the term “negging.” Negging refers to the act of delivering backhanded compliments or subtly critical remarks designed to undermine someone’s confidence while appearing playful or flirtatious. While some men use this tactic to gain attention or control in a conversation, women overwhelmingly dislike it—and for good reason.
Negging has become a divisive dating behaviour, and understanding why men use it and why women hate it can shine a light on the flaws of this strategy. Let’s break it down.
Why Do Men Use Negging?
1. To Gain Power Through Control
Negging is often rooted in a desire to gain power in a social or romantic interaction. By undermining a woman’s confidence, men who use this tactic hope to create a dynamic where they seem more dominant or in control.
- Example of a neg: “You’d be really pretty if you wore less makeup.”
- Why they do it: The goal is to make the woman question herself, putting the man in a perceived position of authority or expertise.
Why it’s a problem: Women see through this power play and find it manipulative rather than charming. Women are not stupid. They are aware of what’s going on and have dealt with enough men to understand what’s going on. There us a typical ‘type’ of man who uses this type of communication and women can spot them a mile off. Negging harks back to the old-fashioned idea of the pick-up artist establishing greater value by minimising the woman. Move on from this.
2. A Misguided Attempt to Stand Out
Some men believe that negging helps them stand out in a sea of compliments by appearing “different” or “edgy.” They may think teasing or making a slightly negative comment shows confidence or humour. The problem is that negging has become so common and women are drawn to men who are open, funny and sincere. A whiff of manipulation and it oh-so off-putting. Everyone prefers someone who makes them feel good about themselves. Charisma is when people seek you out and the secret to charisma is that people feel good about themselves when they are with you. Negging has the opposite effect.
- Example of a neg: “Wow, you’re really confident for someone wearing those shoes.”
- Why they do it: The intent is to provoke curiosity or intrigue, positioning themselves as someone who doesn’t just flatter like everyone else. (Boring).
Why it’s a problem: Instead of being intriguing, negging often comes across as insecure or immature.
3. It’s a Learned Behaviour
Negging gained popularity in certain dating advice communities, where men are taught that lowering a woman’s confidence makes her more likely to seek their approval. Unfortunately, this behaviour is often passed down through toxic social circles or pickup artist communities.
- Why they do it: They’ve been told (incorrectly) that negging is an effective strategy to make women “work” for their attention.
- The reality: It’s an outdated, manipulative tactic that backfires more often than it succeeds.
Why it’s a problem: Women want genuine connections, not mind games. Negging creates distrust and damages communication. Sincerity, openness and vulnerability is where it’s at these days. Be real, be yourself and stop trying to play games to get the upper hand.
4. A Lack of Confidence or Insecurity
Men who use negging may be projecting their own insecurities. By subtly criticizing someone else, they attempt to deflect attention from their own perceived shortcomings.
- Example of a neg: “You must have been the quiet one in school, right?”
- Why they do it: Putting someone else on the defensive can make them feel less vulnerable about their own insecurities.
Why it’s a problem: Instead of creating attraction, it signals low self-esteem and a lack of emotional maturity.
5. To Test Boundaries
Some men use negging as a way to “test” how far they can push someone. They might see it as playful banter, but in reality, it’s often an attempt to gauge how much a woman will tolerate.
- Why they do it: They believe pushing boundaries will help them assess compatibility or control the dynamic.
- Why it’s a problem: Women view this as disrespectful and manipulative, which can be a deal-breaker in early interactions.
6. They Mistake Negging for Humour
Many men confuse negging with playful teasing, thinking it’s a way to demonstrate wit or charm. However, there’s a fine line between lighthearted banter and offensive comments.
- Example of a neg: “You’re surprisingly smart for someone who likes reality TV.”
- Why they do it: They’re trying to make a joke but fail to realize it’s more hurtful than funny.
Why it’s a problem: Humor that comes at someone else’s expense rarely lands well, especially when meeting someone for the first time.
7. To Mask Fear of Rejection
Some men use negging as a defense mechanism, believing that if they act aloof or critical, rejection will feel less personal.
- Why they do it: By keeping someone “off balance,” they avoid the vulnerability of openly expressing interest.
- Why it’s a problem: Instead of building trust, it creates a power imbalance that feels manipulative and insincere.
8. They Think It Makes Them Look Confident
Negging is often mistaken for confidence by those who use it. Men might believe that delivering a “neg” makes them seem self-assured or dominant.
- Why they do it: They think showing indifference or being mildly critical will make them appear more desirable.
- Why it’s a problem: Real confidence comes from kindness, respect, and authenticity—not putting others down.
Why Women Hate Negging
1. It’s Disrespectful
Negging dismisses a woman’s worth and intelligence. Even when disguised as humour, it’s a subtle way of saying, “You’re not good enough, and I want you to feel it.”
2. It Creates Emotional Distance
Instead of fostering a connection, negging erodes trust and makes women feel defensive. Genuine relationships are built on mutual respect, not manipulation.
3. It Signals Insecurity
Negging often reveals more about the person delivering it than the one receiving it. Women recognize it as a sign of insecurity, not confidence.
4. It’s a Red Flag for Manipulation
Women view negging as a form of emotional manipulation, which is a major red flag. It suggests a lack of emotional intelligence and an unwillingness to communicate authentically.
5. It’s Unnecessary
Women don’t need to be “knocked down” to find someone attractive. Kindness and sincerity go much further than backhanded compliments ever will.
Final Thoughts: Negging Isn’t the Way Forward
While some men might believe that negging is a clever way to get attention or create intrigue, the reality is that it often backfires. Women value honesty, kindness, and genuine connection far more than cheap tactics designed to undermine their confidence.
If you’re looking to build meaningful relationships, skip the negs and focus on being authentic. Treating others with respect and showing genuine interest will always make a better impression than playing mind games. Because at the end of the day, real connections are built on mutual trust and appreciation—not manipulation.
